This is over my head
But underneath my feet
'Cause by tomorrow morning
I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy
- Right around this time last year, this was the song I dedicated to you.
I'm losing sleep again. I can't seem to focus on anything but my own effing heartbeat. Depression must be what it's called. At least, not the clinical type though.
This is too much to take in. All of it. I'd rather think of him dead than breathing, knowing he can do just about anything while I wallow in a pathetic stew of pretense and sadness. And when I'm on the brink of saying "I can't do this anymore," something inside of me forces me, pushes me to back up, be stronger than most.
I shouldn't back down. Not when I'm close to what I want, needed, to accomplish. In a week, I'll be starting anew, leaving behind four agonizing months of emotional torment and physical mutilation. I could barely recognize myself every single time I looked in the mirror.
And then there's God. He understands me. But I guess, He has taken on the task of effectively getting inside my head with His extremely weird signs and symbols and what the effin not. He has handed out millions of 16's and 30's and initials and scenes and everything else I wouldn't wanna see when all I could ever ask of Him right now is a moment of peace.
I don't know if Glee makes me genuinely happy. Had an eleven-epi marathon last night and it did make me smile. I laughed, even, giggled when there were romantic gestures. Oh God, I hate singers.
A suitor, which I merrily call "ArBie", downloaded the episodes from somewhere and gave me a DVD copy. Only yesterday did I manage to pick it up from below the computer table and gave it a shot. I was only reminded of Ardoy. Bleh. This is getting pretty tiring.
Give me distractions please. Intense ones! Give me something to do! Anything. Oh yey! I just heard a red eye passing by! F!!!
Oh, today is the anniversary we started texting each other. Argh. Obsess much?
YOU remember dates like that? I can't even remember when my actual anniversary with my ex is. Ahahaa. And they don't remember my birthday all that well. Ahahaha.
ReplyDeleteI guess type A tayo at type B sila ahahha.
I remember ALL the dates. I was planning to post them here pero nasa drafts pa. God is giving me the worst whiplash in history and I'm effing pissed, a little depressed. Tae.
ReplyDeleteWhat?! Mapapatay ko ang mga nilalang kapag nalimutan ang uber important dates no!